***I am currently driving my life up the state of California, I will be back in business Monday December 28th!!*** Dear Los Angeles,
Leaving you will never be easy but will always be inevitable, so it is with a heavy but hopeful heart that I take the plunge and move my life back up to the Bay Area. Eight years ago I packed up my childhood bedroom and left San Jose with big dreams. What I didn't realize was that all I needed to do to feel that those big dreams were fulfilled was to simply figure out who I was- to test the waters, to ride my bike without holding onto the handle bars. It is true that I spent my childhood in Willow Glen but sometimes I feel as though it was here, in this apartment, in Los Feliz that I truly grew up.
As I move from room to room packing up all of our belongings I can't help but feel like I am starring in my own personal series finale. The kind where the family is packing up, moving away, starting over. Each time their hand touches an item they hold it for a minute, turn it around in their palm, graze their fingers along the edges of it and slowly the sides of the screen start to blur into memories. My series finale is filled with moments like this. Moments that stop me dead in my tracks and tempt to buckle me at the knees, moments that seem to steel the breath right out of my chest. Sometimes these moments bring a bright smile to my face and other times I feel terrified that when I drive away for the last time somehow these memories will remain inside these walls and I'll never be able to revisit them the same way again. In my heart, I know this isn't true, but change has never been easy for me.
I see Sean and I with 7 little bottle fed kittens. I see Thanksgiving with friends, a clogged kitchen sink that led to dishes in the bathtub. I see painting the living room yellow with Heather, waking up the next morning and deciding to repaint it brown. I see myself watching Tim walk down the driveway on his way to a 7 week tour, hopeful that our relationship was strong enough to withstand what was to come. I see myself sprawled out in the living room at 2AM working on my watercolor final. I see the graduation signs Tim taped to the back door the afternoon of my last final. I see Top Chef nights and Project Runway dinners. I see lots of tears, laughter, and most of all: I see comfort.
All of that said, I am packing these boxes with a lot of excitment for the future. All who know me know how important my family is to me and I can't wait to be closer to them on a daily basis. I see Madmen nights with my mom, movies with my sister, wedding planning with my best friends, wine drinking with Aubs on our new deck, photoshoots with Ivy, and the list goes on and on. This is the first place Tim and I will be moving into at the same time together and I am so looking forward to experiencing all of that with him!
So, Los Angeles, the time has come for us to part ways. I am so thankful that you are not forcing me to leave but instead I am choosing to hit the road on my own terms. You have been more than good to me, you have taught me many lessons, and showed me so much about myself. Thank you for bringing so many amazing people into my life - I promise I won't be a stranger.
PS I won't miss the 5, 10, 101, 110 downtown freeway change-over. At all.